He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
