I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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