You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
