After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
