Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
