I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
