Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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