I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
