just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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