I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
