OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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