Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
