areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
