I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The air taste purple.
Randomize
