You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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