so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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