I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
