you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
