They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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