I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this just has baby written all over it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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