Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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