If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
