I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How naked do you want me to be?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
