Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
