sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
