I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize