I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
