I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize