Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
