dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
