it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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