Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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