I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
