I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
