Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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