I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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