i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
