I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
