Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
