i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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