somebody snuck up and got me drunk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
