can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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