i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
