i think my tv is drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
