did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
