so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
