my sisters under your porch take her home
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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