oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
