its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
