Can i not drive my cunt home
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
