is your mom at the bar?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize