only if we run a train.
done.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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