Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
