White coat. Heels.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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