And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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