If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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