I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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