I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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