Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
