one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
