its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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