I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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