i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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