I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
