pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
