Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
