...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i love accidental penises.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
