Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
