They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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