I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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