she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
