He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
how drunk are you?
Several
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
