No stitches, just platelets and will power
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
