I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i will never coherently bang her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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