If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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