i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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