Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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