I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
