Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
