just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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