Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
