That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
