dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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