No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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